A Zombie's History of the United States: From the Massacre by Josh Miller

By Josh Miller

Americans were taught that their country is civilized and humane. yet, too frequently, U.S. activities were uncivilized and inhumane.
—Howard Zinn

Shedding mild on 500 years of suppression, this surprising exposé finds the pivotal position in American heritage performed by means of its so much invisible minority—zombies.

From colonization and revolution to global Wars and worldwide hegemony, A Zombie’s background of the United States tells the strong and relocating tales of this country’s living-dead underclass, including:

•The zombie bloodbath of eu colonists at Plymouth Rock

•The ugly killing of a zombinated Meriwether Lewis by way of his fellow explorer William Clark

•The doomed safety of the Alamo opposed to hordes of the attacking undead

•The heroic, platoon-saving cost right into a hail of German hearth through an undead Lt. Audie Murphy

•The top-secret NASA missions that launched(and usually misplaced) zombies into space

•The anti-terrorist application to forestall the weaponization of the zombie virus

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Extra resources for A Zombie's History of the United States: From the Massacre at Plymouth Rock to the CIA's Secret War on the Undead

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I sat down at a table with a handful of carousing surlyes. I loudly identified that we were all upstanding supporters of the King and surely none of us spies, so I invited a game in which we would revel in this love and share our best secrets that no spy should ever hear! Curse fates, for before my gambit could be reaped, an altercation broke out. What we had all taken to be a waywarding drunk revealed itself to be an Undead. Panic broke out while several braver sorts attempted to secure the creature.

53 A Zombie’s History of tHe United stAtes The treaty negotiations convened in Paris in fall 1782, with American interests represented by Benjamin Franklin, John Adams, and John Jay, Federalist Papers co-author and soon to be first chief justice of the United States. Franklin and Adams were personally at odds following a letter Franklin had written to the Continental Congress in 1780 impugning Adams’s capabilities. Despite this, Adams and Franklin temporarily put aside their differences for the greater good—American independence.

An American Zombie in Paris That I have no friendship for Franklin I avow. That I am incapable of having any with a man of his moral sentiments I avow. As far as fate has compelled me, I would not wish to face the Undead with another, this too I avow. ——John—Adams,—letter—to—his—wife,—November—1782— By October 1781, Cornwallis had become trapped at Yorktown, Virginia. The French Navy had defeated the British fleet at the Battle of the Chesapeake, which prevented Cornwallis from making an escape by sea, and Washington sat outside the city with nearly 19,000 men blocking the way by land.

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